Harder than I thought...

So yesterday I was doing so good. I was happy for the first time in a while. I was back to the old me. The real me. I was in such a good mood. Counting my blessings. Realizing how good I have it. Which I really do have it so good but we will get to that later! So I get home, Rachy and Casey come over which made my whole night. I love it when they come over. So im thinking man my day can't possibly get any better than this. So I go take a shower and while I'm drying off and putting clothes on I decide to check my phone for messages or missed calls ya know? Well I have 5 new messages. And of course one of them is from.....Matt. I thought I was over it. I thought it wouldn't effect me like it did. I didn't text him back. Luckily Rachel was there for me. She kept saying "That ring you just bought means dont text Matt." Lol the ring has footprints on it and says It was than that I carried you. I think she just said that to be funny. But it really made me think. I'm not going through this alone. I never was. It hit hard. And today has been one of the hardest days since I have decided not to talk to matt. Its his birthday and I'm dying to text him and tell him Happy Birthday. but Im not going to. Rachel told me last night, texting him and being mean won't hurt him as much as you not textin him at all. So I guess i wont talk to him. Its gonna be really hard but its also gotten alot easier. I just keep thinking "He picked her over me. This is where I stand in his life." I know I deserve better. I will find better :) So back to the whole counting my blessings thing. I was driving home from work yesterday and saw some cops cleaning up an accident. It made me realize how blessed I am that I only have to read or see these things happen to other people. The kidnapping, the murdering, the raping that goes on in our surroundings. Its a miracle that I am not involved in these things. I used to hang out with a group called the Juggalos. Most of you have probably never heard of them. They smoke pot and listen to insane clown posse. Well they have been in the news alot lately for attempted murder and sadly i used to affiliate myself with these kind of people. I knew the people in both cases of attempted murder. One of my very best friends is engaged to the head of rivertons chapter of juggalo wicked clowns. Its ridiculous. She used to be such a good girl. Wanted to get married in the temple. Than we started hanging out with them. She started drinking and smoking. I stopped hangin out with them and we stopped talking. Its so heartbreaking to see the affect of drugs and alcohol on someone you love so much! I can't even imagine doing that. I am so blessed I got out of that before it was too late!