My mommy!

I have the best mom on this planet. Seriously. After the whole Matt and Taush saga or whatever you wanna call it. She knows that I try to hide my feelings from everyone. When Im sad I dont cry in front of people, i just act like things dont bother me. I act like Im angry rather than sad. So last night we were talking and she was telling me about one of her bad break ups and she was talking about my sisters bad break up and I just couldnt take it any more. I burst into sobs and my exact words were "When does it stop hurting." My mom pushed everything she was doing to the side, grabbed my hand and said I'm gonna tell you the truth. It hurts like crazy for the first week. Hurts quite a bit the second week still hurts the third and sometimes fourth week. But usually by the fifth week it only hurts when you hear a song they showed you or something reminds you of them. Sometimes the hurt doesnt go all the way away. I was just sobbing all the way through this. I said Mom i can't do it! And she said "You dont understand how strong you really are, Randi. You are capable of doing so much better. You are beautiful." Than when she thought I was asleep on the couch, which i was pretty out of it cause i took Nyquil I overheard her tell my dad "Our poor baby girl. She's going through her first heartbreak and there is nothing I can do to take the pain away." My dads response was "I know its all a part of growing up". I just want to let my mom know how much i love her. She isn't just my mom. She's my best friend and my hero. She knows EVERYTHING there is to know about me. She knows my likes and my dislikes. And she is always there with a hug no matter what. I trust her with my life. I would take a million bullets for this woman. I have SO much respect for my mom. She truly is the most INCREDIBLE woman I know. She can conquer anything. She is so smart and so beautiful. She can cure any illness with just the touch of her hand. She can't quite cure a broken heart yet but she did have me trash talking and laughing pretty hard last night haha! I just wanted to let her know how much i love her! Thanks for being my shoulder to cry on mommy! I Love you so much!

My beautiful mommy! I luf her!

I'll walk....

Last night I went to my BEAUTIFUL sisters house to go grocery shopping. And lately I have been stressed about alot of stuff. Namely Matt. Well when I got there I asked her if her husband would give me a blessing. Now he had no idea why he asked if I just needed a comfort blessing or what and I said yes, just comfort please! And the second he layed his hands on my head, he knew exactly what was going on. He told me that I had a lot of very hard trials ahead of me. But I wouldn't be alone through them. And he blessed me that I would be a strong enough person to be able to handle them. I just didnt know how soon they would come. Then when I got home last night Matt texted me and told me him and Taush had been hanging out and they really like eachother. It may be immature but I said "You guys are stupid. I'm done with both of you" He didnt even try to fight it or anything he just said okay. I think he thinks that I will cave in and text him. Well I'm not going to this time. Than I texted Taush and said "I heard about you and Matt. Some best friend you are" Than I grabbed my teddy bear and cried myself to sleep. I hate this. I am NOT the girl that cries over a stupid boy! What is wrong with me!?!?! Than Rach helped quite a bit texting me til I fell asleep. She's such a great sister. Than the second I walked in to Krista's office she asked "When are we slashing that Ho's tires?" Haha I love her. It hurts right now and its hard not to cry but im strong. I can handle anything.

Moving On...

So we are told from the time we are born til the time we start dating (At least I was) that all boys will hurt you and that you should just stay away from them. For a while, even after i started dating, i believed this. All because of one stupid guy that I kept letting hurt me. Well I've decided to move on. Today on our way back from gateway Krista could tell I was very frustrated and she automatically knew why. She told me I could either be with this guy or not be with him. There is no in between. When you say you are in between you are an unpaid hooker basically" And honestly it really hit me. Thats how I'm acting. I'm letting him basically tell me that we can never be more than friends than he starts kissing me and wanting more. I refuse to be his unpaid (or paid) hooker. So I guess all that leaves is moving on. I know it will be hard. I feel like I am never going to find the guy I'm supposed to be with. I hate dating. I stumbled across a few quotes about this that I'd like to share with you so here goes:
"Its weird how one day u feel ull never be able to live ur life without him...and then the next day ur doing exactly that."
"Letting go doesnt mean u have to stop loving someone...it simply means u have to accept that there are some things that cannot be."
"Sometimes we tend to be in despair when the person we love leaves us, but the truth is, its not our loss, but theirs, for they left the only person who wouldnt give up on them."

This is why I don't hang out with alot of girls:

D R A M A!
Seriously. I hate girls. This is why I only have guy friends. I now have 2 girls I trust. Rachel, and Krista. They are the 2 people I could call at any hour with the dumbest problem and they would be there in a heartbeat. They are the ones that I know wouldn't judge me. They know what my goals are and they are there to help me reach for them! These are the people I would do anything for. They have helped me get to where I am in my life. They have helped to make me who I am.

Rachel- I love that I can text you at 2 am and you would call me just to make sure I was okay. I love that when I leave your house or when you know that I am going anywhere you always call me to make sure Im safe. That shows how much you care! I love you!

Krista- I love our lunch time shopping sprees. And our funny email conversations. I love that you always know when Im having a bad day and you just sit and listen to all the crap I have to say and you never laugh in my face because I am SO Immature! I also love all of our inside jokes. I am glad that we have gotten such a close friendship! Thanks for always being there for me. Your advice means alot to me!

Work!

I love my job. I know I always say that but I thought I would post some pictures to prove how fun it really is :)


So One of the reasons I love my job is me and Krista constantly give Earl crap for sexually harrassing us. Even though we secretly enjoy it:) haha in this picture Earl is staring down my shirt with his tongue out and Krista busted him :)

Another reason is the close relationship I have with Krista. She's our accounts payable and receivable and one of my very best friends.We fight like sisters but I love her anyway! Isn't she gorgeous! I HATE her! Haha!

The Doctor : Part II

So I went to the doctor again yesterday because you can see the gland on my neck clear across the room. So I went and saw a REAL doctor not my crazy physicians assistant. So I go in there and she knew exactly what was wrong: Viral strep. Its like regular strep but its about 10x worse because there is no antibiotic that will fight it. Also it lasts anywhere from 2-6 WEEKS! She said to go to the pharmacy and buy mucinex d and take it twice a day til it goes away. Each person is different she's seen it go away in as little as two weeks and last as long as 6 or 7 weeks. I was in shock. And to top it all of mucinex d does nothing! I still feel like crap and i'm stuck at work. Yay.

But I do have the best boss in the world. My mom called him yesterday to tell him I wouldn't be in because I was pretty sick and had to go back to the doctor. Rather than being like "She better bring in a doctors note" or anything like that. He said "Tell her were thinking about her and hope she gets feeling better" What a sweetheart. Thats another reason i love my job.

What is the point of even going to the doctor anymore?

So for the past 3 or 4 days I have had a really bad sore throat and headache all that fun stuff. And its been really hard to breathe. So yesterday I left work early and headed to the doctor. Well of course I get the freakin retard doctor that has no idea what he's doing. He said I have a throat infection and the rest is a puzzle to him he has no idea what else could be wrong. I have a slight fever but no strep. My lungs sound "pretty ok" in his words. So I asked what Im supposed to do. He asked what I have been doing. I told him Id been taking Ibuprofen and nyquil. He said "Ya good Idea, i'd keep doing that" What is wrong with this picture?? seriously I hate my doctor. I paid the 10 dollar copay for him to tell me to keep doing what i've been doing. He said my tonsils are swollen. I got my tonsils out when i was like 5 and I told him that. Than he said oh i meant your glands they are HUGE and he just chuckled about it. I felt like he was doctor Nick off the simpsons im not even joking!!!!