Thanksgiving.... and other stuff...

The only thing I can think of to describe how I am feeling...
Its entitled I have been blessed. Martina McBride.

I get kissed by the sun Each morning Put my feet on a hardwood floor I get to hear my children laughing Down the hall through the Bedroom door Sometimes I sit on my Front porch swing Just soaking up the day I think to myself, I think to myself This world is a beautiful place I have been blessed And I feel like I've found my way I thank God for all I've been given At the end of every day I have been blessed With so much more than I deserve To be here with the ones That love me To love them so much it hurts I have been blessed Across a crowded room, I know you know what I'm thinking By the way I look at you And when we're lying in the quiet and No words have to be said I think to myself, I think to myself This love is a beautiful gift When I'm singing my kids to sleep When I feel you holding me I know I am so blessed!

Also I went and saw twilight with my mom and rach. Never a disappointment. It was INCREDIBLE! I love that movie :).

Also about the whole break up thing, I have my good and bad days. Today was one of the harder ones, but I know that when I find the guy I am supposed to spend forever with, I will understand why nothing else has worked out. It is just the waiting part thats killing me :)

Twilight!!

So Me, Rachel, Cika, Annie, and some other chick went and saw twilight last night at 1230. At first I was hesitant cause I knew we wouldnt get home til 330 or 4 and I had to be up at 645 for work. But it was SO worth it! It was such a blast. We started out the night just me rach and casey hanging out. Which was soo much fun. Than we all went to dinner with Casey and Patchy at wingers. Than we went back to Cika's house to play sing star. It was a riot! Than at about 1145 we headed over to the theatre. Holy crap! I have never seen so many girls in my life! It was crazy. We had about 2 maybe 3 boys in our theatre. It was so crazy. Than like every 30 seconds when Edward shows up on the screen you hear 45 or so teenage girls scream! It was kind of obnoxious. But overall it was a great movie. I'd see it again. And again. And again! SO WORTH the sleepless night. Everyone at work today is calling me the walking zombie. haha!

Cute!

So last night I was having a rough night. I was just laying there with my puppy and my teddy bear thinking. Praying. And all the sudden I got a text from my daddy so my phone starts playing brown eyed girl cause thats our song. So i'm thinking its gonna be him telling me to turn off my tv and go to bed. So i shut the tv off and than I look at the text. It read "Who loves you baby?" And it honestly just made my day. I love it when he texts me. I was reading a letter he sent me one year on trek. It talks about how proud he is of what i've become. How much he loves me and how beautiful I am. I wish that even for 10 seconds I could see myself through my fathers eyes. He started the letter with "Hello my brown eyed baby" And ended it with "Love your brown eyed handsome man" I love that we have these nicknames for eachother. Its so sweet :) I honestly have the best dad on the planet! He always knows when I'm sad and he can make me laugh when I don't even feel like smiling. If I find a man half as good as my dad to marry and to be the father of my children, I will feel like the luckiest girl in the world! I love him.

Grateful.

Thanksgiving is right around the corner so I thought I'd take a minute to say what I'm grateful for :)
I am grateful for:

*Having a job in this horrible economy

*Having a family that I am sealed to forever.

*Having a sister that I see more as a best friend.

*Being able to work with all my friends EVERYDAY.

*The gospel.

*The power of prayer.

* This last one is gonna sound crazy but I am grateful for heartbreak, because as bad as it sucks, as miserable as it is, it brought me SO much closer to my mom and to Rachel. They were there for me day and night. Not to mention Krista who gets me trash talking with in seconds when she sees that I'm upset :) I have some of the most incredible people in my life. I am forever grateful for them :)

Stronger than yesterday!

I am honestly happy. I didn't think it was possible. But I am. I'm smiling again :) I know that one day I am going to find a guy worthy of me. (I know this sounds really snobby) A guy that kept himself clean so he could go to the temple. A guy that waited for me as long as i've been waiting for him. They guy that is worth my tears, but would never even dream of making me cry. The guy that points to me from across the room and tells all his buddies "Thats her. Thats the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with"

This is the guy I want:
The guy that calls me back when I hang up on him

that will kiss me in the rain

that argues over stupid stuff just so we can make up

that can make me laugh when I don't even want to smile.

that thinks he has everything in the world when he holds me in his arms.

that can prove to me that not every guy is a total jerk.

that tells me he loves me in front of his friends.

I want the guy that has worked as hard as I have to be temple worthy.

I want

Is this too much to ask for lol

More wedding pics :)

This is my brother in-law Casey. He acts like he doesn't love me sometimes! Haha He enjoys making fun of my eyebrows.
Me and my beautiful sister. My sister is WAY prettier than your sister!

Why?

Why do I try so hard to make sure everyone else is happy even if it means making myself miserable? I decided last night that I would answer when Matt called me. See if we could work things out. I even pretended to be happy for him even though it felt like a knife in my heart. I thought maybe he'd apologise for being a jerk and say he didnt want to lose our friendship. So I answer and I was being all quiet cause I was scared. And he asked what i was doing. I told him and asked what he was doing. His response was "Just laying in bed with Taush" OUCH! So I said hmm well I'll let you go then. Than he accuses me of being immature. So I said fine we'll talk. What do you want? And he started telling me if I wanted to be his friend I had to be Tausha's. So i said no. She's a backstabber. She was never a real friend. This was all before he told me he was with her and I was on speaker. I told him that I didnt understand how either one of them could do this. Especially after all the crap he talked on her. Than he hung up. So I texted him and said"Now who's immature" And he said "Yep.Have a nice life. Don't bother texting me or Taush for that matter." Why would I put myself through all this you might ask. I honestly don;t know anymore. The feelings I have for him are SO strong. I just wanted to see if he still felt the same. Apparently not. So of course I am at Rachels and I decide to call my mom because i was SO ANGRY! So I call her and just start sobbing. She didnt say I told you so. She listened. And her response was "Okay Randi, this is what were gonna do this time." I love how she said were. I know she's there to help :) "You're gonna cry your eyes out for a few days. Than your gonna write it off. Its gonna be over. Ya it might still hurt a year from now but not nearly as much as it does now. Its gonna keep hurting this bad if you keep trying to talk to him. He's a bad person!" Than she told me to come home. But honestly I just needed to be with Rachel. Can I just tell you what a strength she was to me last night. She started talking about when she was in the same situation. She told me "I can't tell you when it will stop hurting, but I can promise you that it does." Those words gave me so much strength. I don't think she realizes how much her advice means to me. The fact that she is ALWAYS there no matter what. She texted me last night til I fell asleep. It really truly helped me realize that were not just sisters anymore. Were best friends. I regret that we weren't closer when we were little. But honestly I think it helped us both to realize that when it comes down to it, family is the only thing that doesnt go away. She is such an incredible person. I can't wait to get married in the temple and have her there front and center. I also love her husband, Casey. He doesn't realize how much I look up to him and Rachel. I don't think they realize how much I love and care about them. They are my best friends. The blessing Casey gave me the other night was INCREDIBLE! The spirit was definitely there. I love them so stinking much!
I found a new quote that I put on my wall. It reads "You never realize how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you've got." This is so true! I never thought I could do it. But I didn't get much of a choice. All I can do now is pray for the strength to stand everyday. When life gets too hard to stand. Kneel. Those words are very true. Last night was a rough one. Not only because of what happened but because I decided i'm never letting it happen again. I realize its gonna be hard to trust ANY guys now. But I'm done with this. I'm moving on and I'm not turning back. There is a reason some people dont make it to our future. The past is the past. Its done. What happened happened. Do i really want to associate with these kind of people? NO. I found out who my real friends are and I dont need anybody else. I have the best friends a girl could ask for. I love them all!

Missy's wedding!

So my cousin Melisa got married on saturday. Everything went really well. My and Rachel were both in her line. Alot of very interesting things happened, first of all the wedding was supposed to start at 4 we left Marie's house at 330 and she had yet to take a shower. It was insane! Than we get there and my cousin Curtis' ex wife and ex girlfriend had been invited so they were there. So was his fiance. Talk about tense. Talk about drama! They all ended up gettin in a knock down drag out fight in the hall and Marie sent them all home before the reception. So the dance CD wasn't burnt because Curtis was supposed to burn it but he left. So my Beautiful cousin Karin and her husband Josh started working like crazy to get the CD burnt. Than the photographer kept taking pictures of my and Karin. It was hilarious. He said we both looked better than the bride so we would be the album cover. It was SO funny! I dont have my camera so I dont have pictures with me of the whole wedding but I do have some of me after I changed into my hoodie and jeans and I was still all dolled up.

Harder than I thought...

So yesterday I was doing so good. I was happy for the first time in a while. I was back to the old me. The real me. I was in such a good mood. Counting my blessings. Realizing how good I have it. Which I really do have it so good but we will get to that later! So I get home, Rachy and Casey come over which made my whole night. I love it when they come over. So im thinking man my day can't possibly get any better than this. So I go take a shower and while I'm drying off and putting clothes on I decide to check my phone for messages or missed calls ya know? Well I have 5 new messages. And of course one of them is from.....Matt. I thought I was over it. I thought it wouldn't effect me like it did. I didn't text him back. Luckily Rachel was there for me. She kept saying "That ring you just bought means dont text Matt." Lol the ring has footprints on it and says It was than that I carried you. I think she just said that to be funny. But it really made me think. I'm not going through this alone. I never was. It hit hard. And today has been one of the hardest days since I have decided not to talk to matt. Its his birthday and I'm dying to text him and tell him Happy Birthday. but Im not going to. Rachel told me last night, texting him and being mean won't hurt him as much as you not textin him at all. So I guess i wont talk to him. Its gonna be really hard but its also gotten alot easier. I just keep thinking "He picked her over me. This is where I stand in his life." I know I deserve better. I will find better :) So back to the whole counting my blessings thing. I was driving home from work yesterday and saw some cops cleaning up an accident. It made me realize how blessed I am that I only have to read or see these things happen to other people. The kidnapping, the murdering, the raping that goes on in our surroundings. Its a miracle that I am not involved in these things. I used to hang out with a group called the Juggalos. Most of you have probably never heard of them. They smoke pot and listen to insane clown posse. Well they have been in the news alot lately for attempted murder and sadly i used to affiliate myself with these kind of people. I knew the people in both cases of attempted murder. One of my very best friends is engaged to the head of rivertons chapter of juggalo wicked clowns. Its ridiculous. She used to be such a good girl. Wanted to get married in the temple. Than we started hanging out with them. She started drinking and smoking. I stopped hangin out with them and we stopped talking. Its so heartbreaking to see the affect of drugs and alcohol on someone you love so much! I can't even imagine doing that. I am so blessed I got out of that before it was too late!

Halloween...

So Halloween is like my favorite holiday EVER!! Its such a blast! This year I had 3 costumes LOL! I bought the first one for my sister in law and brothers Halloween party. Me and Rachel got matching costumes (Kinda) I was a bobble head grim reaper and she was a bobble head devil!

The second costume was for a ward activity where the primary teachers were to dress up in 50's attire. so I was in a poodle skirt. The picture isnt very good because a 10 year old took it with my phone lol!

My final costume was for work. I was supposed to be an 80's girl with Krista but according to Phil I was a HIT (Hooker in training) This was probably my favorite costume.

The past week!

Life has its way of spiraling out of control. I have definitely found out who my real friends are! I have found out that I can handle alot more than I thought I could. I know I already posted this quote but I also have it on my wall above my bed. "Its crazy how one day you think you could never live your life without him. Than the next day, your doing just that." It just goes to show that there is a reason some people don't make it to your future. One of my favorite songs about having strength is by Bucky Covington. Its entitled I'll walk. It talks about him being 18 years old with his girlfriend on prom night. They got in a huge fight and she tells him to pull the car over and let her out. He tries to stop her and she says "I'll walk. Let go of my hand. Right now I'm hurt and you don't understand. So just be quiet later we will talk. Just LEAVE don't worry. I'll walk" That night the girl gets hit by a truck. When he goes to visit her in the hospital the doctors tell him that her legs still won't move. He cries when he walks into her room. She says "I'll walk! Please come and hold my hand, right now I'm hurt and I dont understand! Lets just be quiet. Later we can talk. Please stay! Don't worry. I'll walk." So he held her hand through the weeks and months of therapy. He asks her to be his bride. Her dream since she was a little girl is to have her daddy bring her down the aisle. So from a wheelchair, she looks up at him and smiles. She says "I'll walk, please hold my hand. I know that this will hurt. I know you understand. Please Daddy don't cry. This is already hard. Lets go! Don't worry I'll walk."
How incredible would it be to have so much strength. I dont know what I would do if had an accident and was paralyzed.. I would not handle it well. Last week Baron, a guy at works niece and nephew were shooting eachother with airsoft guns. Well apparently his niece picked up a .22 pistol thinking it was just another airsoft gun and shot her brother in the neck. He was life flighted to the U hospital where he is paralyzed from the chest down. How sad. I can't imagine being in his or his sisters position. How heart wrenching. He is recovering quite well. He still doesnt know that he is paralyzed. The havent told him. He will be in the hospital for 6 or 7 months! On a happier note though I found out today that i get thanksgiving and the day after off! Thats Happy! Haha!