I hate it...

I hate stress. Its stupid. I hate that i let all this little stuff pile up into much bigger stressful things! School is WAY harder than I thought. But its also something to do at night. Its hard because what I'm learning now is stuff I should have learned in high school had I gone and paid attention. I hate myself for that. I hate that I was stupid and fell in with the wrong crowd and quit going to school. I almost didnt graduate. It was STUPID! So what im learning now everyone else sees as common knowledge I feel like the village idiot. Im finally grasping some of the information. But not as much as I should already know.

Kenny Chesney Put It Best...

Inside, I built a wall So high around my heart, I thought I'd never fall One touch, you brought it down The bricks of my defenses scattered on the ground And I swore to me I wasn't gonna love again The last time was the last time I let someone in!

I've had ALOT of time to think and decide what I want in my life lately. I have been around a few more guys and realized that not ALL guys are total jerks. I just seem to find the ones that are ;). I've realized that some guys will do ANYTHING to make a girl happy. I also realized that most guys DO just want sex. They can't help it. Lol. But there are a few guys out there that CAN wait for it too. I've been really happy lately. I've realized what I need to be doing right now is putting all my effort into work and school... Than if I have time to date I will. Another song that I really like is called fifteen by Taylor Swift. It talks about how when your 15 years old and someone tells you they love you you believe them. And how you have NO worries. Than she says "Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday but I realized some bigger dreams of mine! Abigail gave everything she had to a boy who changed his mind!" I've been in that position! I gave EVERYTHING to him.Probably not the everything your thinking. But close! Than he changed his mind. I really did think I would marry him someday. Everything just felt right. And I am SO grateful everyday that he changed his mind. Because now I can make my own dream of becoming a nurse come true. Than I will worry about finding someone to spend forever with. Right now i'm chasing my dreams and I couldn't be Happier :)

Indie Lynn

So one of my friends Tassie had a baby girl on January 10th. She is SUCH a doll! Her name is Indie Lynn. Unfortunately the dad turned out to be a jerk so i get to help spoil her :) I'm SO excited :) She is honestly an ANGEL! I love her to death!

MOMMY AND BABY HOME AT LAST!

MY PERSONAL FAVORITE!

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL!

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL GIRL!

Girls night :)

Me,Anna, and Brittany(A girl we've known since elementary school) Decided we needed a girls night last night so we went and saw Twilight. This was my 4th time. Anna's 3rd time and Brittanys like 6th time. It was SO good. I love that movie. It was SUCH a blast too. I hadnt seen Brittany in about 10 years and its been since Christmas since I'd seen anna. So we met up at Jordan landing box office at 7 pm. Than we got our tickets and some popcorn and headed to our theatre. We sat and chatted for a few minutes before the movie started. Then after the movie we decided we needed proof of this girls night so we took a couple pictures :)

ME AND BRITT. I LOVE THIS GIRL

ANNA AND BRITTANY

YA WERE PRETTY SEXY!!!

COUSINS AND BEST FRIENDS FOREVER!

I love having girl time! We are going to battle of the bands on thursday im stoked :)

Happy Birthday Casey!

Happy birthday Casey! Thanks for being a real brother! And for always being there to help me with school and life.. And for warning me about stupid boys (even though I never listen) Its nice to know that when I really need somebody to talk to, you're always there! Thanks for being a good example to me, and always being there with good advice! I love you big brother!

This is Casey with my BEAUTIFUL sister. My sister is WAY prettier than yours!!

Also, I started school on Monday, and by the end of the first class I was seriously considering dropping it. Then I went to class yesterday and i actually understand it! I was so excited! Haha. Its actually pretty fun. And I made a friend, she informed me ALL the answers are in the back of the text book! hehehe.

Todays the day :)

I start school at Slcc. I am excited and nervous. The excitement definitely outweighs the nervousness. I know where my classes are, kind of. And I know if I apply myself and really try I can accomplish anything. My schedule will be kinda crazy. But not too bad. I work Monday-Friday from 8 am til 5 pm. Than on Mondays and Wednesdays I have Clinical pathology from 6-720 pm. So I will go straight from work to school. Than i will have tuesdays thursdays and fridays for homework. Than on Saturdays I have class from 9-1020 am. I cant wait to start class and get into the swing of things.

Mom sitting

So today I got a very small taste of what my mom went through when we were kids. Although it wasn't anywhere near what she had to go through with us im sure. It really made me appreciate all the things my mom continues to do for me. It felt good to be able to give back a small amount of what she gives me. I started off the morning helping her up and going to get her breakfast. Than after she ate I laid in her room and listened to her while she showered just to make sure she was okay. After she showered I did her hair for her and started some of her wash. Than I jumped in the shower while Granny came and "visited" with mom. Than we watched Mamma Mia together. It was actually kind of fun to play mom for a day. Its really kinda cool to be able to help my mom do some of the work. Makes me feel like a little kid again :)

My mom.

So my mom went in to have her gall bladder removed this morning. The surgery lasted about an hour and they have her moved in her own room now :) She has to stay over for one night than she will be home tomorrow hopefully, if everything went well. I called my dad at lunch and got to talk to her for a minute. She sounded so tired and a bit loopy. It broke my heart. Im going to see her today after work, i remember going to see her when she had her hysterectomy. Seeing my mom hooked up to all those machines, with oxygen in, broke my heart. It was terrifying. While I was bored at work today i ordered her some flowers from the flower patch. They are gorgeous. Hopefully she gets them soon :) Tonight my dad is staying with her at the hospital, so Rachel invited me and Jarron to her house for dinner. She is such a sweetheart. Than we are gonna carpool up to the hospital to see my mommy. I was surfing the web at work today (shocking I know) and I found the quote that fits my mom SO well. Its by Marjorie Pay Hinckley.

"I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car,
wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed,
and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails.
I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud
on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp.
I want to be there with grass stains on my shoes
from mowing Sister Schenck's lawn. I want to be there
with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making
sandwiches for a sick neighbor's children. I want to be there
with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed
someone's garden. I want to be there with children's
sticky kisses on my cheeks and tears of a friend on my
shoulder. I want the Lord to know I was really here
and that I really lived."

Big Changes....

So lately I've had a lot of time to think. I started thinking about how I was 2 years ago vs. how I am now. It took alot of we will call them "learning experiences" to become who I am today. 2 years ago I was a senior in highschool, not online to graduate. I was hanging out with potheads and every other word that came out of my mouth was a swear word. The only reason I went to church is so i wouldn't let my parents down. Not that I cared than. I wore VERY immodest clothing and I was always trying to do stuff to impress my friends. Now: Im 19 years old, I start college on monday which I am very excited for the new challenges that will come with that. I hang out with people from my ward and my family. I learned that these are really the only people I need in my life. The reasons I go to church are far different as well. I go because I believe in it with everything I have. I go because I have the best primary class in the world. They actually make me look forward to planning my lessons each sunday! And as I am looking for a potential husband I am dressing very modestly so when I go through the temple I won't have to throw any of my clothes when I have garments. Im still working on the whole modesty thing so im sure I will have a few shirts that will have to go :( I have had a lot of struggeles the past 2 years. But I wouldnt change who I've become for anything.

My New Years Resolutions.

So for new years we had a huge party at my house.
It was a blast! We had tons of family over, including
my aunt and uncle and my cousins from Vegas. I miss
the little munchkins. They have a 2 year old son, Morgan, and a 4 year old, Wyatt.
And Morgan was so attached to me all weekend.
He snuggled up to me. The only person he chose over me was my uncle Murphy.
He is the cutest baby EVER. Char says Im screwed if i have cute kids cause
I was letting Morgan do whatever he wanted all weekend cause
he would just look at me with his gorgeous eyes and say "Please Randi!"

"You hold the camera I'll say cheese!"-Morgan. I love this little boy!

But I also had a lot of time to think of what I want my new years resolutions to be this year. I always set them but I never keep them. I'm going to try my hardest with these ones :
*Be worthy to hold a temple recommend.
*Regularly visit the temple.
*Go to work and school everyday.
*Pass my classes
*Read my scriptures daily.
*Say a prayer of thanks once a day.
*Don't only pray when I need something.
*Don't settle for anything less then what I deserve.