Its Christmas time AGAIN.

Christmas is in 2 days, and it doesnt feel like Christmas to me. This year has been the hardest year for me. As excited I am to get married, im having a lot of "lasts" this year. My last Thanksgiving living at home. My last Christmas at home. My last New Years at home. Im sure we will still be at my house for Christmas. But waking up and opening gifts with my parents in the morning used to be my favorite thing! I guess its all part of growing up. I am SUPER excited to get married. Don't get me wrong. I have NEVER questioned this decision. Its just a HUGE step. Its terrifying for me to think that at this time next year, I will be in my own house with my hubby. No parents. No siblings. Its so crazy to think of myself as that grown up.
I hope everyone has a VERY Merry Christmas, and a prosperous new year. I love you guys! :)

Baby hungry!

So last night I watched Rachel and TJ's baby. He is such a doll. He's about 5 months old. We had a wedding to go to and everybody told me and Nick how cute our baby is. It made me realize how badly I want to be a mom. And Nick was ADORABLE with him. I wish I would've got a picture. He's gonna be a great dad. And Im the luckiest girl in the world to be able to marry him :). And as bad as I want a baby right now, I know that if I wait until we are both done with school it will make things easier on us as a family. My time will come. Until then... I'll be watching this lil cutie....

Tydus James Obrien...

The temple letter!

So we got our letter from the temple. We moved the date up to April 9th 2010. We are both SO excited. Opening this letter brought SO many emotions. Excitement : I cant wait to spend forever with him. Doubt : Is this REALLY happening to me? Am I worthy of this? Do I deserve this? Nervous: What do I do? What should I expect? What if, when we get married, he realizes im not as great as he claims I am? But most importantly, I felt peace. There has NEVER been a doubt in my mind that Nick is the person I am meant to spend eternity with. He takes care of me. He loves me. He makes me SO happy its unreal. Sometimes I feel like I need to pinch myself to wake up from this fairytale. I can't wait to start a family with him. He is SO good with his nephew, Xander. I can tell he is gonna be a great dad. He makes me want to be a better person. To STRIVE to live the Gospel so I can be his eternal companion. I can't imagine my life without him. He is my world. My life.

ENGAGED!!

So on Sunday November 15th 2009 Nick proposed to me. Finally ;). We went for a drive up to the hill where we met (Which is where I wanted him to propose)(he doesnt know that though) And I sat on his lap and he handed me this letter, it talked about how much he loves me and how since the hill is where we started our journey together this is where our next chapter should begin. At the end of the note it said "P.S Check your phone!" So i look at my phone and there are probably 10 messages that say ""Say yes"" and one from Darren that said"Say hell yes"I looked up and he was on one knee, tears in his eyes, he asked "Will you marry me?" I couldnt breathe, i was SO excited! I just kept kissing him. I dont think I've given him an answer yet LOL. Yesterday I called the temple and set our date. April 22nd 2010. At 10:20 am I will marry my best friend. This boy has changed me for the better in SO many ways. He is my reason for breathing. He makes me laugh when I feel like crying. I told him yesterday how I was ALREADY stressing out about planning this wedding, and he said "At the end of the day all that matters is im gonna be sealed to you forever" That hit me so hard. All the stresses went away. I dont have to have some big elegant wedding, I WANT it. So I have to deal with the stress that comes with it. The most important thing about that day is that from then on, its me and him. We will be married for time and all eternity. I cant wait. Im SO lucky. Rachel has a picture of the temple in her family room that i am in LOVE with. Im trying to find one. Its the Salt Lake Temple and in the upper left hand corner it reads "The Salt Lake Temple" In the lower right hand side it says "Where families are made forever" How cool is that? Just knowing I get to be with my family forever. That I get to be with Nicholas FOREVER. Forever surely won't be long enough.

Sounds like life to me....

Have you ever had one of those days, you know, the days when you think you have the HARDEST life in the world. Where nothing goes right, nothing is fair. Nobody could possibly have it worse than you? I was having one of those days last week when this song came on the radio. its by Darryl Worley and it talks about this guy who is talking to a friend about life. His friend mentions how there car is falling apart, and the washer is broken, he had to put his mom in a nursing home, plus his baby is teething. His friend responded with this: "Sounds like life to me, ain't no fantasy. Just a common case of everyday reality. Yeah I know its tough, but you gotta suck it up. To hear ya talk your caught up in some tragedy. Sounds like life to me." His friend gets angry and tells him he doesn't understand. 3 kids and a wife depend on him. and he's just one man. to top it off he just found out his wife is 2 months late. again his friend responds "Sounds like life to me, plain old destiny. the only thing for certain is uncertainty. You've gotta hold on tight. Just enjoy the ride. Get used to all this unpredictability. Sounds like life to me."

Too many times I've sat there and thought I had the hardest life in the world. That these trials aren't fair. But you've got to look at the BIG picture. God never said life would be easy, or fair. His promise "It will be worth it." There are somethings in life that make it worth it. Family, and friends, the gospel. Often we think about the things that make it almost seem NOT worth it. School, work, bills, bullies, illness,etc. When all the bad things add up it seems like there is no reciprocation for all our hard work. We work full time, go to school, and right when were about to make ends meet, the ends move. But just like this song states, that's how life is. And you just have to hold on tight and enjoy the ride.

You know who you are.....

So today I decided to post a blog for a certain someone, she knows who she is (I hope) She is so strong and SO beautiful. And is SO much stronger than she thinks. She's been my hero and my rock for so long! Here are some inspirational quotes for her.....

"Life isnt about the cards you get dealt, its how you play the cards your dealt."

"If life feels like an up hill battle sometimes, just remember the view from the top is breathtaking"

"The big guy upstairs NEVER gives you more than you can handle"

"It doesn't matter how weak you think you are, if your still standing and wondering if you can get through this, then the answers, yes you can and your stronger than you think!"

"Do not let circumstances influence your thoughts and moods. By rising over them mentally, you will eventually rise over them materially."

"If you can imagine it you can create it, if you can dream it, you can become it!"

"Dont aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and the rest will fall into place"

"You don't fail when you fall, you fail when you don't get back up!"

"When life offers you a challenge, grab it and aim for the sky, soar to heights you never imagined, don't let them say you didn't try."

"Hope is the ability to hear the music of the future, faith is the courage to dance to it."

"Sometimes all you can do is step up to the plate, and take your swings."

"Sometimes you need to get lost in order to find your way"

"We are not earthly beings on a spiritual journey...we are spiritual beings on an earthly journey"

I hopeyour reading this and realize how amazing you are. I love you lots. Keep your chin up. <3

Lucky.....

So the other day I was talking to my mama ( I've been doing this alot since i've been stuck at home with swine flu) and I realized how lucky I am that I can go to my mom with ANYTHING. I can tell this woman anything, and she laughs with me, cries with me, prays for me, loves me. She's my rock :). We were talking about Nick and I. Our conversation went as follows: "Are you getting married" "Yes" "When?" "Next year" "Are you sure?" "Yes, I love him." "I love him too. I would love to have him as a son in law, and he's been really good for you". That last comment made me think. Dont get me wrong I love him to death but how has he been good for me? And as I thought about it I realized. I am a TOTALLY different person. The church means more to me than ever before because I know through it I can be sealed to Nick forever. And to our family. My family is SO important to me, and he respects that. He knows that they are my best friends, and they are his too. He has showed me how a guy should really treat a girl. At first I was like, "Why would he randomly buy me flowers? What did he do?" And my dad kindly told me "Thats what guys do for there girlfriends, its just to show he loves you. I know you don't know this cause your used to dating dirt bags" Haha gotta love the subtlety there. I love my daddy :)

Happy Birthday Handsome Curt!

Today Is This Guys 25th Birthday!

For those who haven't read for a while, my cousin Curtis passed away July 19th. Today is his 25th birthday. I miss him SOOO Much. He still has his facebook page so I thought I'd share a few things that got posted on there this morning. Its had me in tears all morning. :

Wendy Davis Ainsworth Happy 25th Curt. 25 years ago today I watched you make your entrance into the world. You brought joy to our lives. We love you and miss you.

Randi Erin Ainsworth Happy Birthday Curty. We went to your grave yesterday and it was SO peacefull. I could definitely feel you there. I miss you SO much. I can't wait to hug you again. I hope you know how loved you are. I love you so much! Families are forever buddy :)

Trisha Drummond
Happy Birthday Curtis! Wish you were here to celebrate! I know how much you love this time of year. We are going to come visit you later today .. Cause "We all know who you are, & you are a Pretty Big Deal!" I love you and miss you so m...uch! Grab everyone and party it up .. Have a great Birthday Handsome Curt .. we'll be celebrating it with you!

Rachel N Casey Hansen Happy Birthday Curty (a few hours early)! We went and visited you today...I left you the bright colored daisies (I'm sure you could've guessed lol) You wouldn't believe all the people that are coming to see you tomorrow! We all miss you a lot!! Families are Forever Curty! Love you!

How loved was he?! I wish he knew before he died. He surely does now. I am SOO grateful for the gospel. Its such a peaceful feeling that I get to see him again. Rest in peace Handsome Curt. HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Blessed....

Its been a month or so since i've blogged. And i figure what better thing to blog about than my blessings? I have so many things to be thankful for. Its unbelievable. Somedays I sit and think about how hard i have it. Work, school, bills. Than I realize, this is LIFE. My aunt Connie recently brought a very good quote to my attention "Life is what you make it, always has been, always will be." It's SO true. You can sit there and think of everything thats wrong in your life. For example My cousin Curtis recently passed away. I can sit here and dwell on how much I miss him and how horrible it would be for his kids to grow up with out him. Or i can be happy because I have the knowledge that families are forever. I can sit here and try to figure out how to pay all my bills and still be able to shop, or i can pay my tithing and KNOW that everything will work out. I have been blessed with SO Many wonderful things because of the opportunity I have to have the gospel in my life. It truly is incredible. I have the coolest family(and future inlaws) on the planet. I have the best boyfriend in the whole world. He is SO good to me. He makes me feel like a queen. I definitely dont deserve him.(not to mention he's SMOKING hot!!) I have developed close relationships with people in my family that I NEVER thought would happen. Jaynee is probably one of my best friends in the world. She knows everything there is to know about me, and still puts up with me ;). She's far stronger and more beautiful than she'll ever believe. She's stunning. And the boys are lining up for her. She's smart as can be, and HILARIOUS. She's also my girlfriend.(inside joke). Something my Dad always told us growing up is "Your siblings are going to be your best friends someday" Me and Rachel would Scowl and vow that would never happen. Now when i go even one day without seeing her its hard! And her husband is one of my best friends, Nick reminds me of him in alot of ways, which is a good thing. I've always wanted my husband to be like Casey.
I have a job in this HORRIBLE economy. I sit there all day and think about how boring my job is and how much I'd rather be with my friends. When I really should be thinking about how awesome it is to actually have a job, when there are SO many people who dont.
I just can NOT get over how amazing the gospel is. Last night my cousin Calvin got his song recorded from Curts funeral its the most beautiful song EVER. We were all bawling. Mikayla was struggling the hardest and my Gramma wasn't helping, she just kept saying he's gone forever. I didnt know what to say. She KNOWS better than that. I had no idea what to do so I just went and held Mikayla. So all the sudden while I was holding her all these words started coming out of my mouth. I dont remember my exact words. I remember my Grandma saying "His kids don't have a dad" With out thinking I said " Mikayla how lucky are they to get to have there daddy as there own personal guardian angel" She smiled a little bit and I went on to tell her how much he loved her. I personally think Curtis was in that room. I FELT his arms go around both me and Mikayla and I could just feel his spirit there. The knowledge of the gospel doesn't make the pain go away by any means, it just makes it more bearable. Knowing he's with us every second of every day. It makes me want to strive to become a better person, so I'm worthy to be with Curty again. I miss him....

Its been a while :)

I haven't blogged forever, not much to Blog about really. I work, I started school yesterday. I think i'm really gonna like this class. Not a lot of work. Just ALOT of reading. Its for Human Development (Psychology 1100) and I really like alot of the girls in there. It just seems like we all get along really well. I start Medical Terminology on monday. I hope I know some people in there. OH the highlight of my week? I came home from work on tuesday to a dozen roses from Nick. He's perfect. We've never been happier. I can't wait to marry him. This week is a crappy one for us because he has the USANA convention down town ( Right by my work, yet we still dont get to see eachother) So I havent seen him since my softball game Tuesday night,more on that later. I didnt get to see him yesterday cause I had school til like 10. I dont get to see him today cause he works til 10. Its pretty hard. Much harder than I thought. I miss him :(

I'm playing softball again. It feels SO good to start moving around and getting back in shape. I VOLUNTEERED to play right field, cause I dont want the ball to come to me! And I haven't struck out yet :) GO US! lol. We won the first game by about 20 points and the second one we won 22-5. Its SO much more fun when you dont have the stress of planning practices, and you actually win. My favorite part is that Rachy is playing. She's so fun. I love that girl to pieces :)

Dredg and As tall as lions.

Last night I went to my first concert. We went and saw Dredg, and as tall as lions. Its was SO much fun. I felt a little out of place at the beginning but it got better through the night. Im definitely converted to there music. Best band to lose your concert virginity to for sure :)

Happy :)

Im still happy! LOL Nick and I celebrated one month on Tuesday, and I've never been happier. I know alot of people think that were crazy for already thinking about marriage. But honestly? It doesnt scare me :) I just feel like I've known him FOREVER. And my response to everyone who thinks were moving too fast "If you know something is right, why wait any longer?" I've never been more sure about anything in my life! I love him SOO much!

So in other news thats not all mushy, i get to babysit Indie tomorrow. She's 6 months old and I am WAY excited. Than Nick and I are going to the fair with my familia. What a fun weekend:) Than on Sunday Nick is helping bless his little cousin, so i'm going to church with him. I love it :)

Too good to be true?

Have you ever had one of those days when you think "Somethings gotta be going on, my life is WAY too good right now." Well today is one of those days. Everything seems to be going my way. I've NEVER been happier in my whole entire life. I know that 99.9 percent,if not 100, of that is because of Nick. He is everything to me. I look forward to spending the rest of forever with him.He told me last night that he wanted to be engaged within 6 months, than he texted me and said 6 months is WAY too long to wait. LOL. So it looks like it'll be sooner than later that I'll be Mrs. Weight ;). I sure cant wait to start this Journey with him. Forever wont be long enough!

Family (RIP CURTY!)

This past weekend I have realized how much my family REALLY means to me. We had the opportunity to go to pine view as a family. It was SO much fun, we had the wave runners, all the beach toys, everything. We were having such a good time. Well Friday afternoon we get a text saying my cousin Curtis was taken to the hospital due to drug overdose, he was unresponsive and it wasn't looking good for him. We all figured if anybody can pull through its Curt, he's the strongest person we know. Well Saturday we get news that he isn't going to wake up and to go say our goodbyes. my mom decided it'd be best not to let me see him like that so her and Brandon just ran up. I still thought MAYBE he'd wake up, I was praying "Keep fighting Curt, You can beat this!" Around 720 last night we got the call we'd all been hoping against. "Curtis died about 20 minutes ago." I immediately lost it, Nick ran over and wrapped his arms around me. It still doesn't seem real. Than we find out it was intentional. SUICIDE?! He's got two kids. He wouldn't do that! (I'm still in denial) I'm not gonna lie and say me and Curt were best friends. But i do have a lot of memories with him. I remember on his wedding day he came up to me and said "You need to start carrying around a baseball bat or there are gonna be guys all over you" He always knew when I was having a bad day and he'd wrap me in his arms and just hug me. I loved him so much, I REALLY hope he knew that. I looked up to him SO much. He was 24 years old and leaves behind 2 year old twins. Rest in Peace Curty, You were loved more than you know!

Happiness is...

Having an amazing family.

Having the Gospel in my life.
Being able to take the sacrament every week.
Repentance.
Moving on.
Having the most incredible man I've ever met as my boyfriend.
Having some of the best friends in the world.
Being in Nicks arms.
Being in Gunnison, together. Being able to relax with him alone....
Having everything go right for the first time. *Knock on wood*
Having to stop in the middle of a kiss cause you cant help but smile...
Having the best big sister in the world. The one person I can look up to no matter what. I don't think she's ever done anything wrong. We have our moments where were at each others throats, but I've never been closer to another person. I love her SO stinking much. She's my hero. My rock.

Pink hair, And MORE!

I HAVE PINK HAIR! LOL

I've been trying to think of something exciting to blog about. But I got nothin. lol. My life is really boring. I turned 20 on the 28th of June. Im still working at intermountain going on a year and a half now. Time flies when your having fun.. I start school august 18th. Im taking medical terminology. WAY excited and nervous at the same time. I spend most of my time with Rach and Casey (which probably annoys them to no end) because they are my bestest friends :) Casey does this thing where one second he act like a big brother (protective, and teasing) and the next second he just acts like a friend. Hes such a good example to me. Rachel always knows when I need a hug or a phone call. Its like ESP or something ;). She's my best friend and my hero. She's always been my cheerleader. Always on the sidelines, even if she thinks its a mistake and im gonna faceplant. She's there with a shoulder to cry on. Jarron has also been my shoulder lately. I was having a very rough night and needed some guidance. Jarron and Casey gave me a blessing becuase my daddy was asleep. One of my favorite things about Jarrons blessings (and caseys) Is that they are SO in tune with the spirit. They don't say what I want to hear. They say what I NEED to hear. So we went into Jarrons bedroom and they both laid there hands on my head. I immediately started crying no out of sadness, but because of the comfort I immediately felt. I thought I had strayed to far away from the spirit, that I had messed up too much and He just wasn't gonna try anymore. I was so wrong. It was the most beautiful blessing i've ever had. I am SO blessed to have such a wonderful support system. I love my family :)

Near Death Experience ;)

So the other night my dad and I had 2 wedding receptions to go to. One of them, Tashina's, was down town, it was POURING rain. We were heading home from that one and we were pulling off the 2100 south freeway on to bangerter, all the sudden my dad started saying "Oh crap oh crap oh crap!" I had no idea what was going on, he was driving, so I thought he was gonna puke or something lol. Than all of the sudden we lost control, I have NO Idea how we miss the cement barrier, or how we didnt roll down the hill. All I remember is closing my eyes, curling up into a ball, and SCREAMING! I was terrified, my heart was pounding. When we came to a stop we were facing the wrong direction in a field. Luckily no cars were behind us or it could've been UGLY. Someone is definitely looking out for me. I have been SO blessed. I told my dad someone was looking out for us. We could've very easily totalled his truck. I think I cried most the way home lol. My poor daddy will never live it down :)

If at first you don't succeed...

Maybe failing is your thing?
I've been thinking about my life alot lately. And some of the thoughts I have depress and scare the Shiz outta me.
I'm gonna be 20 years old next week, as if this thought alone isn't scary enough, what have I accomplished in 20 years? I BARELY graduated, I've made my parents lives much harder than the probably needed to be. I've made SO many big mistakes with my life. Sometimes i've even wondered if maybe I've strayed too far?
Now on to the positive thinking part :)
I did graduate high school
Im pursuing a degree in nursing
I've NEVER heard my parents tell me they are disappointed in me. I've worked SO hard to never hear these words!
I've found a best friend in my sister.
I've held my job for a year and a half(and going strong)
I'm an active member of the ONLY true church. I love my Calling AND the Gospel. I have no idea where I'd be without it.
I'm REALLY happy.
I've developed MUCH closer relationships with my family.
*Lady
*Rachel
*Casey
These 3 are my Rocks. They are the 3 people in my life that I can trust 110% I love them SO much!

Count your many blessings...

So I recently broke up with my boyfriend and at first I was totally okay with it. Than when I found out that he was gonna start dating someone else, it HURT. I was devestated. I didn't want him to date other people. I was talking to him this morning because He is one of my best friends, i never wanna lose him. And he told me I had so much to be grateful for. I thought "Yea, the guy im freaking crazy about is dating another girl, my life rocks, NOT" then he listed a few things and it hit me HARD. I have an AWESOME family, some pretty sweet friends, not to mention i have the gospel in my life. Thats all i need. I dont need to have a boyfriend to be happy.
Can I just tell you how much I love my cousin Jaynee. She is such a beautiful and strong girl. Any guy that gets a chance to get within 10 feet of her is lucky. Me and Jaynee havent always been as close as we are today, we used to dislike eachother, but once we started hanging out, she quickly became my best friend. She's the one person I know will NEVER turn her back on me. She knows EXACTLY what im going through, and even when Im a hideous beast, she still tolerates me. She is such a beautiful girl. She has been through SO much and still has a smile on her face. She is so happy, and fun to be around, she can make anybody smile. She always knows when im having a bad day and she texts me something funny. I love her so stinking much and am VERY grateful to have her in my life.

The things we do for fun!

So yesterday we had the family dinner as usual, than Casey had a meeting so he left. Rachel decided to stay and hang out for a bit with Mollie. Well we all decided at about 5:30, that we wanted to take the dogs for a walk. Rachel grabbed Mollie and her leash. Char grabbed Queenie and her leash, I grabbed Sassy and her leash, Jarron grabbed......

Gracie and her leash!

We got ALOT of stares. Our bishop actually pulled over to the side of the road to see it. It was HILARIOUS. A few of my primary kids were outside. They were TERRIFIED of my poodle but ran right up to the goat and started feeding her grass and jumping all over her. It was HILARIOUS!

Song of the week.

Its called then, its by Brad Paisley. And it fits my life, right now im living the first verse. Who knows where it could go from here.

I remember, trying not to stare the night that I first met you
You had me mezmorized
And three weeks later,
in the front porch light
taking forty-five minutes
to kiss goodnight
I hadn't told you yet
but I thought I loved you then

Chorus:
And now you're my whole life
now you're my whole world
I just can't believe the way
I feel about you, girl
Like a river meets the sea,
stronger than it's ever been.
We've come so far since that day
And I thought I loved you then

And i remember, taking you back to right where I first met you,
You were so surprised
There were people around,
but I didn't care
Got down on one knee right there once again,
I thought I loved you then

And now you're my whole life
now you're my whole world
I just can't believe the way I feel about you, girl
Like a river meets the sea, stronger than it's ever been.
We've come so far since that day
And I thought I loved you then

I could just see you,
with a baby on the way
And I could just see you,
when your hair is turning gray
What I can't see is how I'm ever gonna love you more
But I've said that before

And now you're my whole life
now you're my whole world
I just can't believe the way I feel about you, girl
We'll look back someday, at this moment that we're in
And I'll look at you and say
And I thought I loved you then
And I thought I loved you then...

BEST SONG EVER!!
Also my new favorite quote is: You block your dreams when you let your fear grow stronger than your faith. This hit me SO hard today. It is my dream to become a nurse. But the thought of all the schooling and how time consuming and stressful it will be is my biggest fear. I have let fear overcome faith. Im going to nursing school. Im conquering my fears!

Our new pet.... GRACIE

So for a while we have thought about getting this pet, my dad and Jarron have wanted one for SO long. My mom kept putting it of and putting it off. I thought she finally won the battle. But when I got home from work Friday Jarron said "Look outside" And this, my friends, is what was outside. A GOAT! "Whatcha lookin at scared cat!"

JARR! Please hold her so i can get a picture, cause Im not gonna lie, Im terrified of Gracie!

You cant see this one too well cause I was hiding in the safe zone (In the house) but the goat was chasing Jarron and Char around the yard like a dog. It was the CUTEST thing I've ever seen. After this I decided MAYBE i'd be friends with the Goat. MAYBE.

some things just don't matter...

Tonight while at girls night with my mom rach and char I got the feeling that when my dad and jarron got home I needed to ask for a priesthood blessing. For strength and guidance. I wasn't sure why but I know better than to ignore a prompting. Well my dad gave me a blessing and for the first time ever I cried through most of it. Most of it is personal but one line I will never forget is : somethings just don't matter. Me and john got in an argument because I told him getting married in the temple is a HUGE deal to me and he said he hated religion. So the temple just doesn't matter to him. I love the church. I have the best family ever. Jarron sent me a text tonight that said : the church is true. I started bawling. I felt the spirit tell me its true.. Rachel is my rock. She knows everything and I love her. I hot tubbed with jarron and char and when I got out I had a text from jenna saying she loved me. She knew I needed to hear it. Than my daddy held me and told me itd be ok. Everything will be ok. My response? Sometimes I just need to hear that from the big guy. I just need to hear he loves me and that he will never leave me. And tonight for the first time, I KNOW!

Sometimes I thank God.....

For unanswered prayers. This song has a whole new meaning to me. When I was dating Matt, I knew this was the guy I was going to marry, I was so comfortable around him, he knew more about me than I knew myself. I didn't even care to look at any other guys when I was with him. He was my world, it was LOVE and nothing could change that. I prayed and prayed about if he was the right guy for me. And I would never get an answer. And if I did, it wasn't the one I wanted. I pretty much told God "Im marrying him no matter what so please give me your approval" I learned the hard way that God doesnt negotiate on these things. haha. Well when we broke up I prayed again daily that he would text me, and again. Nothing. Well let me just tell you, God is a VERY smart man. He knew I wouldnt be able to handle it, even when he texted me MONTHS after the breakup it hurt. I prayed that we'd get back together. Where would I be if I had gotten back with him? Probably NOT worthy to go to the temple. Probably not as happy as I am right now. I'll admit I had a VERY hard first couple of months, breakups are never easy.I always wondered "If God really loved me, Why would he let this happen? Why is he letting his little girl hurt so much? Well how was God supposed to help me when I didnt ask for it? If I had married Matt, it wouldnt have been in the temple. That is my dream. I can't believe I considered giving it up for him.

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers

Remember when youre talkin to the man upstairs

That just because he doesnt answer doesnt mean he dont care

Some of gods greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.

:::Update on Indiana:::

My boss, Phils grand daughter that had a stroke got to go home last night. They said it looks like the blood is starting to flow to the part of her brain that it wasn't flowing to before. Isn't that proof that miracles do happen? On Tuesday I fasted and prayed my heart out for this little girl, i've never even met before. Why you might ask, because I knew it's what I needed to do to help. It was all I could do. It was easy. I'm not saying that my fasting and prayers caused this little girl to start to heal, it sure didn't make things worse. She's not 100 percent healed. But she's home and happy with her family. They still won't know the extent of the damage until she starts to develop more. They are trying to help her use her left side more and more so it gets developed as quickly as the right. Things are definitely looking up. Phil got to hold her the other night for about an hour and she used her left arm to scratch her head. They didnt know if she was gonna be able to move her left side very well. Miracles people. Miracles. Keep them in your prayers that she will be able to continue to heal and lead as much as a normal life as possible. Brant made me laugh pretty hard. He said "Its like a birth defect almost. We all have them, Mine happens to be my good looks. I mean look at me!" I almost toppled over from laughter. Brant is Phils son in case you were wondering how that tied in.

I hate the dentist...

So I have to go to the dentist today, I thought if I make the appointment during the afternoon then I will miss half the day of work and I'll be so excited to leave I won't get nervous for the dentist. So I made the appointment for 1:30 today. And as I AM excited to leave work. Im terrified. I have to get a crown and a few feelings. And im WAY nervous. I hate going without my mom. It makes me feel WAY too grown up. I miss the days when I got the laughing gas, and my mommy held my hand while I got the shot. And she'd try to distract me from the sound of the drill. I still get the chills everytime he starts up the drill, and now I have nothing to rely on besides my ipod. Which I forgot today. So I guess for the next 3 hours I get to try to relax to the sound of a drill!

A day in the life

So I hung out with a bunch of friends friday night, we decided we weer gonna go sledding so we headed up the mountain. We ended up at snowbird, we were going to sled down the snowboarding slopes i guess. So we start changing into our snow clothes and getting the tubes ready, than the cops came to inform us how stupid we were, how illegal it is to do that, as well as the high avalanch danger at that moment. So we decided to leave. On the way back to town we stopped at some lookout thing, and the cops were there busting a rave. So we got to chat with some more cops. Very entertaining night! HAHA!

Also, Phil, Our shop manager and one of the best friends you could ever ask for! His daughter had a baby this weekend and somewhere during the c-section the baby had a stroke. Im not exactly sure how it effected her, just that her left side will probably be a little weaker than the right. Please keep his family in your prayers. I love you Phil!

So bored!

So im bored at work, thought i'd take a second and blog about what has happened between Sunday and today. Which is basically nothing. Haha. Today one of my friends texted me and asked if I was watching the Jazz game with Brendan tonight. My response " I WISH! No, I only see him on the weekends!" Honestly I HATE that. I get that were not like boyfriend girlfriend or whatever but how are we supposed to get to know eachother when I only see him once a week, if I'm lucky! So i dunno anymore. I've tried everything I can do. Im not gonna be his stalker by any means. I just want to know what he's thinking ya know! There's also another guy. But im not gonna blog about him on here for personal reasons ;)

Confused!

So as mentioned in my previous note, I went on a date with a REALLY cute RM last Saturday. At the end of the night I really didn't think he liked me. I'm still really confused about that part ha ha. Well Monday night he was gonna text me after work, so when he didn't i figured okay, he doesn't like me now i know and I can date other guys. Well Thursday I went and got my nails done and went bowling with Rach,Casey,Patch, and Lady. While we were there Brendan texted me. Just to see how I was and such. Which is when all the confusion started AGAIN. So we talked for a bit and he invited me to hang out with his buddies on Friday night. So I figure what the heck I'll go. Should be fun right? Well he said he'd call me when he was on his way over there. Should be around 7:30. Well about 745 he calls me and says hes running late and will call me when he gets to Spencers house, he just wanted me to know he didn't forget about me :) well finally around 930 he calls me and tells me to come over to spencers. So I do and its just us 3 for about 10 minutes. Than Derek shows up and wants us to go to Johns apartment. So we head over there and meet up with some more friends. There were a bunch of girls. One of them (the one that Brendan referred to as "One of the guys") bugged the crap outta me she NEVER left his side. Well finally he came and sat next to me on the couch. But I didn't like her! LOL. So at the beginning of the night though, he let me have front and opened the door for me and everything Do you do that for just a friend? I really don't know! But at the end of the night I was freezing so I ran to the car and he didn't open the door. The night ended with another hug. But he hugged the other chick too. SO I dunno anymore. HELP lol.

Saturday Night.

So on Saturday Night I went on a triple date with some guys in the ward. My date was Brendan McCarty. He was so nice. Not to mention REALLY cute! We tripled with Matthew,Brandi,Spencer, and Steph. I like Matt and Brandi ALOT. I wasnt a huge fan of Spencers girlfriend but he was funny! Brendan was a total gentlman the whole night. He opened doors, pulled out chairs. Everything. He picked me up at about 5 and we started off the night by going to Training Table for dinner, which was YUMMY! We sat and chatted there for about an hour and a half. Than we headed to the Energy Solutions Arena to watch the Jazz game. It was SO good!! Some very intense moments for sure! After the game I was starting to get a little bit tired,after all my bedtime is like 9! LOL. But we decided to go back to Spencers house and play games. Brendan thought it was a good idea to shoot the potato cannon just to show me he could i guess. It was pretty cool, i was a little nervous so I hid behind him. haha. Than we played balderdash. Than at about 11 or so, Matt and his girlfriend left. Since we carpooled with them i figured we'd be leaving too. Brendan asked if I wanted to stay and watch a movie with Spence and his girl. I didnt wanna say goodnight quite yet because I was having a blast, so i figured what the heck! So then Spencer decided he wanted food so we made a junk food run at about midnight to Smiths. By the time we got back and started back to the future, it was 1230. Than at about 145 Spencer decided since the girls kept dozing off it was time to call it a night. So he dropped me off at 145 and Brendan walked me to the door and hugged me, than a few minutes after I walked in the door I had a message from him. I dont know if that means he likes me or what, I sure hope so though! This week he invited me to play capture the flag with him and his buddies, so that will be FUN!

So....

The other day, Matthew texted me. At first all sorts of emotions ran through me. Anger, Sadness, Happiness. I really wanted to text him back! I thought I was gonna give in, I thought I wasn't strong enough, I thought...WRONG! After I had a talk with Rachel(Thanks Rach) I realized, I dont need him. The only thing he would do was make me trust him again and hurt me again, and its not worth it. SO I ignored the text. An hour later comes another one "I know you're reading my messages. Text me back." I just laughed and deleted it. I wanted him to text me for SO long and I knew if he did things had a chance of going back to normal. Than I talked to my mom who has learned from experience "Some people never change, you can't change them, they have to want it" And he doesnt. So that made it easier. And the fact that its now MY choice that were not talking. If I decide to talk to him, he will talk to me. So after the 2nd text i figured he gave up. That night i was up most of the night sick. When I woke up I had 6 missed calls and a voice mail from him. It felt good to finally be on the other end of this. So i still havent responded. Im pretty proud of myself.

My Dad.

I honestly have THE best dad EVER. He's my best buddy. He's always there for me. Last night I got one of my HORRIBLE stomach aches, it got to the point where I could hardly breathe, so I snuck into my dads room and just started sobbing, he immediately jumps out of bed and wraps his arms around me and takes me into the kitchen to find some meds. Than I started shaking horribly and he held me as tight as he could to try to calm me down, he knows the cold helps so at 11 o'clock last night my dad grabbed a jacket and basically carried me out to the front porch. He is such an incredible person. I started to relax when I got the worst stabbing pain in my stomach I have EVER felt, I'm pretty sure i started screaming. I look up at him and ask "Will you and Jarron PLEASE give me a blessing?" I think at this point he knew it was bad, I rarely ask for blessings when i'm sick. So Jarron and my dad laid there hands on my head and gave me a blessing, immediately the shaking stopped, and within an hour I was sound asleep on my dads shoulder on the couch. He walked me to bed at about one, and told me if I needed him again to go get him. Can I just say how grateful I am to have a dad and a brother that honor there priesthood, that were able to give me a priesthood blessing. I am SO blessed to have them in my life! Another thing my sweet daddy did, I was not feeling well on Valentines day, so I crashed on the couch for most of the day, my dad walks in the door after a LONG day at work with a single pink rose and a card. He walks over, sets them on the table in front of me, and says "Happy Valentines day baby girl!" I almost started crying. My dad is my hero. He does everything in his power to make everybody happy!

What A Life!

So I decided I have the BEST life ever! I have the best friends in the entire world, the best family, the best job. Its SO much fun. I am so freakin happy :) I have been at my job 1 year today. Its the best job I ever had. I am starting nursing school next year and the thought of leaving here makes me sad. Phil told me i would have to work nights as a nurse because he's not letting me quit at intermountain. I honestly considered it! I love my job and ALL the people here. I may not get along with them very well, but they are like a second family to me. We fight like brothers and sisters but we can also talk about anything. Phil is like my dad. I tell him EVERYTHING, and he still loves me no matter what. I love my job! :)

Lia Sophia Party...

So im having a lia sophia jewelry party tonight and i'm SSE (So super excited) Its gonna be a blast. I went and bought cupcakes,chips,veggie tray,and some eclairs. Its gonna be a blast! The only thing I worry about or hate really is people that DONT RSVP. Its annoying. The only people for sure coming are :Krista, Rachel,Jessica,Jaynee, Aunt Connie, and My friend Tassie. I just hate how people are like "Yea! I'd love to come!" Than when it comes down to it they think of an excuse, its like seriously just say NO! I'd rather have someone say they can't afford it or that they just aren't interested rather than just lead me to believe there gonna be there than not show up. Anyways, I will post pictures and details after the party :)

Is this real or just another crush?

What is love? I mean, don't get me wrong, I was crazy in love with Matt. And when I was with him, that was my definition of love. What I want is your definition of love. The only think I can think of to describe love is this email I received from a coworker a while back. This is what I want!

Love is that first feeling you feel before all the bad stuff gets in the way.

When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toe nails any more. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.

When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth.

Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne andthey go out and smell each other.

Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your french fries without making them give you any of theirs.

Love is when someone hurts you. And you get so mad but you don't yell at them because you know it would hurt their feelings.

Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.

Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is okay.

Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My mommy and daddy are likethat. They look gross when they kiss.

Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.

If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate.

Love is hugging. Love is kissing. Love is saying no.

When you tell someone something bad about yourself and you're scared they won't love you any more. But then you get surprised because not only do they still love you, they love you even more.

There are two kinds of love: Our love. God's love. But God makes both kinds of them.

Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it every day.

Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.

During my piano recital, I was on a stage and scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.

My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.

Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken.

Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.

Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.

I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.

I let my big sister pick on me because my Mom says she only picks on me because she loves me. So I pick on my baby sister because I love her.

Love cards like Valentine's cards say stuff on them that we'd like to say ourselves, but we wouldn't be caught dead saying.

When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little starscome out of you.

Love is when mommy sees daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.

You really shouldn't say I love you unless you mean it. But if you meanit, you should say it a lot. People forget.

If you have any more to add to this, please do!! I want to know what everyones definition of love its :)

30 day shred.

So Krista and I have started working out at lunch. We usually just do a simple work out dvd. Well today she brough in Jillian Micheals 30 day shred, I figure What the heck. How hard could a 20 minute workout be? Im not gonna lie, it kicked my trash. Literally! Haha its not even fast paced really. You just dont get a break. You go from push ups to weights to jumping jacks to jump roping to punching to kicking yourself in the butt to crunches than back to push ups. Its was INTENSE. Krista impresses the crap out of me. She did EVERYTHING perfectly. And she only screamed in pain twice!! We tried to walk down the stairs and our legs had about the same consistency of a bowl of jello!

I hate it...

I hate stress. Its stupid. I hate that i let all this little stuff pile up into much bigger stressful things! School is WAY harder than I thought. But its also something to do at night. Its hard because what I'm learning now is stuff I should have learned in high school had I gone and paid attention. I hate myself for that. I hate that I was stupid and fell in with the wrong crowd and quit going to school. I almost didnt graduate. It was STUPID! So what im learning now everyone else sees as common knowledge I feel like the village idiot. Im finally grasping some of the information. But not as much as I should already know.

Kenny Chesney Put It Best...

Inside, I built a wall So high around my heart, I thought I'd never fall One touch, you brought it down The bricks of my defenses scattered on the ground And I swore to me I wasn't gonna love again The last time was the last time I let someone in!

I've had ALOT of time to think and decide what I want in my life lately. I have been around a few more guys and realized that not ALL guys are total jerks. I just seem to find the ones that are ;). I've realized that some guys will do ANYTHING to make a girl happy. I also realized that most guys DO just want sex. They can't help it. Lol. But there are a few guys out there that CAN wait for it too. I've been really happy lately. I've realized what I need to be doing right now is putting all my effort into work and school... Than if I have time to date I will. Another song that I really like is called fifteen by Taylor Swift. It talks about how when your 15 years old and someone tells you they love you you believe them. And how you have NO worries. Than she says "Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday but I realized some bigger dreams of mine! Abigail gave everything she had to a boy who changed his mind!" I've been in that position! I gave EVERYTHING to him.Probably not the everything your thinking. But close! Than he changed his mind. I really did think I would marry him someday. Everything just felt right. And I am SO grateful everyday that he changed his mind. Because now I can make my own dream of becoming a nurse come true. Than I will worry about finding someone to spend forever with. Right now i'm chasing my dreams and I couldn't be Happier :)

Indie Lynn

So one of my friends Tassie had a baby girl on January 10th. She is SUCH a doll! Her name is Indie Lynn. Unfortunately the dad turned out to be a jerk so i get to help spoil her :) I'm SO excited :) She is honestly an ANGEL! I love her to death!

MOMMY AND BABY HOME AT LAST!

MY PERSONAL FAVORITE!

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL!

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL GIRL!

Girls night :)

Me,Anna, and Brittany(A girl we've known since elementary school) Decided we needed a girls night last night so we went and saw Twilight. This was my 4th time. Anna's 3rd time and Brittanys like 6th time. It was SO good. I love that movie. It was SUCH a blast too. I hadnt seen Brittany in about 10 years and its been since Christmas since I'd seen anna. So we met up at Jordan landing box office at 7 pm. Than we got our tickets and some popcorn and headed to our theatre. We sat and chatted for a few minutes before the movie started. Then after the movie we decided we needed proof of this girls night so we took a couple pictures :)

ME AND BRITT. I LOVE THIS GIRL

ANNA AND BRITTANY

YA WERE PRETTY SEXY!!!

COUSINS AND BEST FRIENDS FOREVER!

I love having girl time! We are going to battle of the bands on thursday im stoked :)

Happy Birthday Casey!

Happy birthday Casey! Thanks for being a real brother! And for always being there to help me with school and life.. And for warning me about stupid boys (even though I never listen) Its nice to know that when I really need somebody to talk to, you're always there! Thanks for being a good example to me, and always being there with good advice! I love you big brother!

This is Casey with my BEAUTIFUL sister. My sister is WAY prettier than yours!!

Also, I started school on Monday, and by the end of the first class I was seriously considering dropping it. Then I went to class yesterday and i actually understand it! I was so excited! Haha. Its actually pretty fun. And I made a friend, she informed me ALL the answers are in the back of the text book! hehehe.

Todays the day :)

I start school at Slcc. I am excited and nervous. The excitement definitely outweighs the nervousness. I know where my classes are, kind of. And I know if I apply myself and really try I can accomplish anything. My schedule will be kinda crazy. But not too bad. I work Monday-Friday from 8 am til 5 pm. Than on Mondays and Wednesdays I have Clinical pathology from 6-720 pm. So I will go straight from work to school. Than i will have tuesdays thursdays and fridays for homework. Than on Saturdays I have class from 9-1020 am. I cant wait to start class and get into the swing of things.

Mom sitting

So today I got a very small taste of what my mom went through when we were kids. Although it wasn't anywhere near what she had to go through with us im sure. It really made me appreciate all the things my mom continues to do for me. It felt good to be able to give back a small amount of what she gives me. I started off the morning helping her up and going to get her breakfast. Than after she ate I laid in her room and listened to her while she showered just to make sure she was okay. After she showered I did her hair for her and started some of her wash. Than I jumped in the shower while Granny came and "visited" with mom. Than we watched Mamma Mia together. It was actually kind of fun to play mom for a day. Its really kinda cool to be able to help my mom do some of the work. Makes me feel like a little kid again :)

My mom.

So my mom went in to have her gall bladder removed this morning. The surgery lasted about an hour and they have her moved in her own room now :) She has to stay over for one night than she will be home tomorrow hopefully, if everything went well. I called my dad at lunch and got to talk to her for a minute. She sounded so tired and a bit loopy. It broke my heart. Im going to see her today after work, i remember going to see her when she had her hysterectomy. Seeing my mom hooked up to all those machines, with oxygen in, broke my heart. It was terrifying. While I was bored at work today i ordered her some flowers from the flower patch. They are gorgeous. Hopefully she gets them soon :) Tonight my dad is staying with her at the hospital, so Rachel invited me and Jarron to her house for dinner. She is such a sweetheart. Than we are gonna carpool up to the hospital to see my mommy. I was surfing the web at work today (shocking I know) and I found the quote that fits my mom SO well. Its by Marjorie Pay Hinckley.

"I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car,
wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed,
and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails.
I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud
on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp.
I want to be there with grass stains on my shoes
from mowing Sister Schenck's lawn. I want to be there
with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making
sandwiches for a sick neighbor's children. I want to be there
with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed
someone's garden. I want to be there with children's
sticky kisses on my cheeks and tears of a friend on my
shoulder. I want the Lord to know I was really here
and that I really lived."

Big Changes....

So lately I've had a lot of time to think. I started thinking about how I was 2 years ago vs. how I am now. It took alot of we will call them "learning experiences" to become who I am today. 2 years ago I was a senior in highschool, not online to graduate. I was hanging out with potheads and every other word that came out of my mouth was a swear word. The only reason I went to church is so i wouldn't let my parents down. Not that I cared than. I wore VERY immodest clothing and I was always trying to do stuff to impress my friends. Now: Im 19 years old, I start college on monday which I am very excited for the new challenges that will come with that. I hang out with people from my ward and my family. I learned that these are really the only people I need in my life. The reasons I go to church are far different as well. I go because I believe in it with everything I have. I go because I have the best primary class in the world. They actually make me look forward to planning my lessons each sunday! And as I am looking for a potential husband I am dressing very modestly so when I go through the temple I won't have to throw any of my clothes when I have garments. Im still working on the whole modesty thing so im sure I will have a few shirts that will have to go :( I have had a lot of struggeles the past 2 years. But I wouldnt change who I've become for anything.

My New Years Resolutions.

So for new years we had a huge party at my house.
It was a blast! We had tons of family over, including
my aunt and uncle and my cousins from Vegas. I miss
the little munchkins. They have a 2 year old son, Morgan, and a 4 year old, Wyatt.
And Morgan was so attached to me all weekend.
He snuggled up to me. The only person he chose over me was my uncle Murphy.
He is the cutest baby EVER. Char says Im screwed if i have cute kids cause
I was letting Morgan do whatever he wanted all weekend cause
he would just look at me with his gorgeous eyes and say "Please Randi!"

"You hold the camera I'll say cheese!"-Morgan. I love this little boy!

But I also had a lot of time to think of what I want my new years resolutions to be this year. I always set them but I never keep them. I'm going to try my hardest with these ones :
*Be worthy to hold a temple recommend.
*Regularly visit the temple.
*Go to work and school everyday.
*Pass my classes
*Read my scriptures daily.
*Say a prayer of thanks once a day.
*Don't only pray when I need something.
*Don't settle for anything less then what I deserve.